Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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