We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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