Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
