My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
