I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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