you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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