I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
