so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
