my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
