Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
