Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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