Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
