Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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