My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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