oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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