The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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