So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
