Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
