four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
