I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
