yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
