Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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