By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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