'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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