great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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