That's when you crack a 10am beer
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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