Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
