if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
