Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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