He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
