The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
