Jerry, you need to find god
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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