mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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