24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
