grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
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I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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