put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
