im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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