I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
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This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
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come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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