and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
