I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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