wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
