This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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