id be glad to
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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