i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
