On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
