remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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