i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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