So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
True college students do jello shots in the library
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