According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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