i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
