just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
