2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
