Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
