Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
