Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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