If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
