WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
