yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
