So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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