Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
