He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
