I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
