i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have aggressive nipples.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
