I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
