woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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